SilenceSG.org



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NOTICE: We would like to express thanks for your interest in the project. It's heartening that we've directed more than 5,000 visits to the site in our short-lived period of activity, that culminated in over 9,000 video views and over 600 connections on Twitter and Facebook - all in the name of breaking stigma. As you can see, this website has now fallen to disuse. In part due to a lack of time from the original team that had put this site together, but also to a lack of interest from the organizations we have approached for support. If you're an individual/group passionate about advocating increased STD education in Singapore, and may be interested in picking up from where this initiative has left off, please drop an e-mail to contact@silencesg.org. We will consider handing over the entire project - including existing social network accounts, unpublished interview excerpts, existing graphic templates, a contact base of previously interested talent contributors we had not pursued and of course the domain (which has been paid for until mid-2013) - to the right person(s) who might be able to take this further than we have. Interested successors to the project might want to download our project brief to have a more detailed read on the project, before expressing your interest. Until then, we hope you all stay safe!
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ICING ON TOP

Danni* is a 27-year-old heterosexual female who has been sexually active since she was 16. Back then most of her sexual exploits started off by chatting with and then meeting complete strangers off the Internet Relay Chat (IRC) for the purpose of engaging in unprotected sexual activity- the activity responsible for giving her Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea and genital Herpes.

Having come from an all-girls’ school was an added pressure for the sexually frustrated teen- where she described feeling “unattractive” compared to her classmates. In a quest to prove herself desirable, she felt the “need to dabble with sexual activity with the opposite sex”- which brought her self-gratification not only sexually but also emotionally. Danni’s sexual exploits had somewhat unusual beginnings; she first got sexually involved with someone at a chalet where she was actually unaware that she was having sexual intercourse “until after the act transpired.” This rather humble footing is in line with her sex life today- one she describes as irregular, as she can now “go for months on end without having sex”. She even goes as far to mention that when she needs sexual release, she turns to masturbation.

Nowadays, she tells us that she will only get intimate with someone she loves. Looking back, it is hard to picture this coming from a girl who has had a track record of “over a hundred sexual partners in the past ten years.” She tells us that this was a personal decision as she has come to the realization that she “does not need sex to feel desirable”. Another added reason is her acknowledgement that as she matures, an emotional attachment to sexual partners may develop- which more often than not leads to a broken heart. When asked if this had anything to do with shame of her existing condition, or fear of previous conditions she was afflicted with, she says yes, citing an example where she had opened up to a sexual partner who in turn told all his friends. This only added to the “embarrassment of the condition” she already had to live with.

This embarrassment was the root of her denial when she refused to acknowledge symptomatic manifestations of Sexually Transmitted Diseases(STDs) when she was 18- barely two years after first being sexually involved with anyone. Upon her diagnosis, she was “in disbelief- to the point that I just continued engaging in unprotected sex because I couldn’t accept it enough to care.” In this process, she probably spread her condition to several other sexual partners. It was only after seven years, at the age of twenty-three that the truth sunk in for her. “My herpes wasn’t curable, I now have to take care of myself through diet and exercise and always protect the person I get intimate with.”

She is not alone here- many of her friends who are also sexually active are afraid of seeing their doctors to ask the simple question “what is wrong with me and what can I do about it?” She relates to us a story of a friend who got pregnant the first time she had sex, because of the simple fact that she and her partner were too ashamed to buy a condom. She also shares of another friend who results to regular intercourse due to the fact that she does not know how to masturbate.

This contrasts with the experience she had in Seattle where she describes the situation as being more open, and in turn more informed on the realities of STDs. They are “more aware of the dangers of STDs and precautions that one must take to avert it".

Danni concludes, “Singaporeans and females in general need to understand that sex is not the only way to feel good about yourself. Having self-confidence is more important, and once you have that, sex is just icing on top.”



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Editor's note:
Danni is one of the many sexually active people who started engaging in risqué behaviour as a teenager. Sexual frustration could stem from insecurity- which if not addressed may seek to remedy itself by reaffirming self-worth through such less-than-desirable habits.


Though we live in a progressive society, it is still somewhat conservative in respects to conversations about sex- much less the related afflictions. The lack of dialogue to tackle the issue only proves to compound the problem, not resolve it. Silence and ignorance is not the answer; education and discussion is.






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